You have a treasury of photos, mixtapes, notes and poetry. You have lists of dreams, confessions, realizations and to-do’s. You even consider these things your closest friends.
Haven’t you realized you have a problem? You have always mistaken temporal things as permanent matters. That simply explains your abysmal disappointment and utmost pain on plans that do not push through, on supposed to be happy endings and on subtle/sudden detours.
That even makes memories even more even more problematic. You are very much aware of their temporariness that you immortalize them as they become words inscribed in paper, images frozen in time, and music saved in a record. You rely in those materials to make you go around in pretty stupid circles. First, you think of both good and bad memories. Next, you try to feel grateful that everything existed. Then you romanticize and fall in love in love with it all over again.
Lately, you have wished to discard this certain character. If ultimate opposites be labelled optimist and pessimist, you said you would situate yourself in the middle and call yourself a realist. You promised not to hold on to hopes brought about by romanticized memories springing from stuff buried in dust. At the same time, you swore not to immerse yourself in the fear of the dark, unknown future. You vowed that you would rather stay somewhere in between. You wouldn’t go drowning with too much love on the past only to become passive of the good things that come your way. You would opt to stay somewhere you would be free of chains – the fear of taking risks and holding fire in your palm.
Somehow you need to know which is which. You need to discard and discriminate. You need to learn and be reminded that today is defined by certain conception and acceptance and impression of now.
You know it’s too hard conversing with yourself and telling that person in front of the mirror what and what not to do because in the end, you end up doing what you truly wish to anyway.
These that you have mentioned are not pretensions. These are not the hard candy to your gooey center. These are pointers, guidelines to somehow help you cope with your delusion of the past, present, future, fantasy, reality and whatever else.
Today is the 14th of February, hope this letter gets to you just in time. Hope this saves you from marching back to the graveyard of memories.