Reasons Why You Should NOT Date Ted

  • Ted looks like an awkward teenager. She is skinny, has a number of weird tan lines, has messy hair, no boobs, a little too big ass for her stick-type body and a pair of big cheeks. She dresses up randomly according to her mood or whatever else she fancy.
  • Ted grammatically edits in her mind everything you say. She’s an ex-school paper writer, an ex-language and literature student, an ex-student of grammar OC professors. Once, she got frustrated at her 7.3/10 paper because her professor gave her a note: “good writing style, but grammar bogs down your grade.” She got frustrated and vowed to always pay attention to grammar.
  • Ted is in between a critic and writer. Thus expect a blog or a post about you after a date. She enjoys art criticism so much that she literally applies “criticism” in its general sense to everyday little things – and that would include you.
  • Ted has a bigger appetite than you do. Doesn’t seem like it, but she eats way too much than you do or you could ever imagine.
  • Ted will give you a codename. She wont call you Batman/Superman or any superhero for that matter. She gives weird names like epicfail book characters and t-shirt prints. Worse, she’ll write you an open letter with that weird name.
  • Ted uses a zillion languages. Seriously, she speaks Filipino and English and a little French. But she speaks illiterate/conyo/jejemon language. Example: ‘Let’s cmon ourselves over there nalang pfouhz.
  • Ted will stalk you. She’ll sniff through all the possible social networking sites you have and muse/laugh over your blogs, photos, vids and audio posts just because.
  • Ted laughs hysterically. It’s her natural, intoxicated or not. She’s nuts, she’s aware of it, and she’ll prove you it’s true.
  • Ted is not a pleaser. Of course her attention will be focused on you, but don’t expect her to be agreeing with you all the time. She won’t try to woo you or appear desirable just because she’s in a date with you.
  • Ted likes reading and writing history – her history that is. She’ll put in your name as entry in her calendar/journal/planner and it will be your day forever and that will make you epic. It will be up to you then whether to leave a beautiful or nasty portion in her autobiography.

As per Ted’s friends’ request:

  • Ted has friends who will not allow her to date just anybody. Thus, prepare to be flooded by friend requests on facebook. Plus Ted has a friend who does not have facebook and correspondingly wont add you, but is a karate blackbelt who will kick your ass if you break Ted’s heart.

*This is actually a recycled blog post from my Tumblr and Multiply Sites and was inspired by a friend’s online journal.

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