Relieved, Overjoyed, Moved, Proud, Pained, Loved.
Here’s a journal entry from January 2010:
Everything was finished his morning. Our year-long battle has finally come to an end. I can’t consider it a victory or defeat. We weren’t in between. We were floating.
It started the same months last year. I’ve cried buckets of tears, mentioned the worst of bad words, and cursed every human being/institution that was digging for our graves.
It is a bottomless pit we do not deserve. We had shortcomings but they were not in any way equal to what they have decided for us. It must be the other way around. They should be the ones pushed into the abyss they have dug themselves. Who are they to implement justice without listening for truth? It’s a shame for them to implement law and order when they themselves make the words devoid of their natural meaning.
But we are not to topple down the pit they have prepared for us. We wont let it end just like this. We were in this together from the start, so we will be in the end. I have you and you have me, and we have more people who care and believe in us. We will still smile and laugh just because we can and simply because there’s no one that can stop us.
And for you, old fag who cant stand on your own feet, who doesn’t know context clues, who doesn’t know how to use your articles well, who runs to your mom who’s a poser academician, who comes to thesis defense without a Review of Related Literature, whose character is just as fake as your nose: I hope that you are happy that people suffer for your materialism. I hope you get a chance to grab a dictionary and find the words trust, friendship, and truth. I hope you get a lot more people to love and appreciate you and lastly, thank you for making us/UP ASS love each other far deeper.
This goes the narrative a year after:
This sounds weird and relatively pathetic, considering I am already out from school two years now but I finally got my Transcript of Records and my translated Diploma. My real Tagalog Diploma though was misplaced somewhere in the Records Section of the University Registrar. This is not new though, but the people from my college promised they’ll work this out.
This delay is merely a result of some utterly shallow matter I better not recall – though it actually made some of my academic moments rather sweet and victorious. It all felt like Graduation once again. It was a re-enactment of the rite. The Transcript of Record handed over by the clerk behind the glass window was like the rolled paper given to me by our College Dean.
Honestly, I was lead beyond that memory. I was back to the nights when I had to put the mouthpiece on mute because I was talking (and swearing) to this poser academician over the phone chattering about NBI, The Philippine Collegian, and her notes to the University President. I traveled back to the meetings with my professors and College officials as we lay-out possible solutions and remedies. Meetings like those always end up with hugs and encouragement from them. I was brought to humid afternoons when I had to be excused from class (and even miss quizzes from Psych) just to have briefings and question and answer portions.
Yeah, I only had twelve sheets of paper in my hand, with the Centennial hologram in each page. Yet I felt all the pain and trauma my last year in college was. And that, certainly, felt a lot like freedom.
Or it might also be because I was overwhelmed by the Sablay and Sunflower Season. But yeah, I felt like I am free and totally out of college, even though I honestly long to be back. Sigh, there’s only two more months to decide whether I’d be getting a Master’s degree.
Also, I checked up on my College Org. I got the chance to have lunch with them before their Snap Elections. But it’s no ordinary lunch. Just last week, a faculty from our Department was appointed Director of the National Historical Commission of the Philippines. He said that such honor occurred because of the exhibition my College Org has organized with him. I can only feel proud, blessed and thankful.
It’s over. We ended up winning.
*from Stars’ Today Will be Better, I Swear!