This is exactly how you say “Hi” to me years ago.
You were well aware of my shallow threshold for pain. You have seen me burst into tears due to some simple cramps and shed a whole lot more due to homesickness. You knew how to hush and calm me down. This you do with the littlest effort – your company.
I have colds, fever and astigmatism attacks recently. No, I don’t blame it on the train anymore, it’s just that the weather has not been good lately. The sun shines right after random rain showers, vice versa. The Psychology minor you might have comically judged the weather as bipolar. You find academically-related jokes like that way funny, but yeah, I wasn’t thinking about you anymore, not even the last time I was writing about Baguio.
I was surprised how you appeared in my dreams Saturday evening. I don’t even think the slightest swirl of alcohol in my head could have composed an apparition of you. But in such cold and surreal world of dreams, your smile was warm, like that cup of coffee you held with my hand one cold December night. You sat beside me and we talked like our old selves – only, we were not in our sanctuary anymore. Only, I have to wake up with my phone resounding an alarm.
I have thought of you, well, as cheesy as it may sound, my soulmate. Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray Love serves as my Review of Related Literature:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…”
Guess Ms. Gilbert has already laid out the cards. I need no explanations from you anymore. (I never did ask all these years anyway) Your presence, absence, and whatever you call this sort of existence makes you and me profound.
That, and thank you for wading through the curtains of sleep just to kiss me in the forehead. Unknown or strange your means may be, they never fail to shy away the pain and make me feel you care, like you always do. I miss you.