Remembering Clyde

Clyde was my eldest bunny. I envisioned him to be the ring bearer at my wedding. I have foreseen him as my baby’s first pet and playmate. Unfortunately, he passed away a year ago. Apparently, it has been a long stretch of sorrow and acceptance. Sadness, all this time, cannot help me pin down the right words to actually tell his story. I tried to, a couple of times, but it all went down to me shedding tears like it was his last day with us again.

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Clyde was part of our “We’re Expecting” announcement to our friends. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to meet his tiny human.

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It was January 2012 when the then-boyfriend now-husband and I decided to get a pet. We did not want a dog nor a cat, but something just as cute yet not so usual, so we went on looking for a rabbit instead. We were supposed to get a black bunny with a tiny white dot somewhere in its body. We found one with a spot on its nose! But there was another bunny which kept following to wherever we point our fingers to, we just had to get him as well! This bunny had round blue eyes, which was something different from all other white bunnies out there (with scary red eyes). We named them Bunnie and Clyde.

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Cue, Beyonce and JayZ’s song: ~All I need in this life of sin, is me and my Girlfriend~

Bunnie passed away just a week after we got her. We assumed she was already sick by the time we got her as she was very fragile and was already refraining to eat. Clyde from then on became our only bunny child. He was spoiled. He loved getting a lot of attention. He loved bananas, strawberries, and veggies all to himself. He loved playing and lurking around the house. He loved being cradled like a baby. He loved grooming and getting baths every now and then (we had to give him baths, like twice a year, to smoothen and remove discolored areas of his coat). He loved trips to the park. He loved dressing up in costumes. He loved celebrating birthdays. He loved his photos being taken. He loved welcoming guests and being petted.

Rabbits are often misunderstood, but it was easy to figure out Clyde’s moods. Our family knew Clyde loved us. He’d jump off his home when we arrive at the doorstep. He raises his head for pats, he struggles climbing up the stairs only to struggle again getting up to bed to wake us up on weekend mornings. He follows us in circles, then begs for treats. He loves lying around, listening to our stories, or even school stuff when my sister reviews in the wee hours of the morning. Clyde would lick our hands, our faces, and even docks his face to my chest. Clyde was a furball of affection.

We got him a wife a few years later since he has grown, uhm, horny. He got 3 wives, Quasha, Claudia, and Crumble. They were pretty rabbits. Quasha was same breed as Clyde, while Claudia and Crumble were part Lionhead part Angora. He got kids, some as white as him, some became a mix of white and brown, and white and grey. His every bunny baby was adorable.

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Clyde on his last birthday with us. He was not happy, his humans had more carrot cake than he did.

Clyde was growing old, we knew that – his face has grown lines, he no longer runs like crazy when brought outside. We were supposed to have him castrated as rabbits tend to suffer sickness from their poop and pee in old age. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get to that, Clyde broke down one night. He hasn’t been eating nor drinking. My parents have given him medicines, but he was still sick. I carried him in the car while we were on the way to the veterinarian. He was in pain, I knew, he buried his face to my side while I cradled him. My sister and I were crying and trembling on the way to the hospital. But Clyde was a fighter. He still wanted to stand and jump and binky. He struggled getting on his chubby toes, his body slammed unto the hospital table in his every attempt. It took a few times before the nurse attached the dextrose, his veins already collapsed. His eyes were already wide, his breathing was heavier, and his heartbeat was faster than normal. Clyde never felt so threatened like this before. But we had to leave him at the hospital overnight. We knew that was a bad idea, however we were compelled to, for we can not make him feel better at home too. I was so brokenhearted to see him with a dextrose in his paw, sealed in a cage and warmed with a spotlight. I wish I spent the night with him there, but in my head this was for his good. I was very very afraid, but I knew Clyde was a fighter. He’s a stubborn bunny – I just think of him at the hospital table trying to stand again – such a brave little baby.

The next morning, we received the news. I didn’t know if he just provided some luck or something that day, but our family braved through traffic and number coding to finally lead Clyde to his own paradise. My grandfather picked out a very quiet area for him, where he could visit Clyde often when he farms and plant his vegetables. We laid Clyde in an area surrounded by greens – where his playful soul could play and jump and binky endlessly. He can feed on the grass too, when he’s famished and stay under trees when he gets tired.

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Clydee Bunny goes to bed

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The skies opened up to meet Clyde in bunny heaven. And yes, there’s a cloud in a bunny head shape

There are still days when I remember Clyde and cry. But maybe Clyde has already lived the best of his days on earth – a happy binky-ful and flop-sy bunny life. Or maybe Clyde found out there’s an even happier place where he’d have unlimited carrots, bananas, cabbage and strawberries, where every time is playtime and where he can binky, jump, and flop all he want.

I miss Clyde everyday. There will never be a bunny as affectionate as my little bunny boy.

 

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The Week I Cried the Most

I used to think days have their own way of turning things upside down and inside out. Interestingly, I never seen a week, a month, or a year that way.

June is one of my favorite months. Birthdays are celebrated here and there, including the boyfriend’s. It’s when you celebrate Independence Day and get free train rides during rush hour. It’s when I allot all my hoarded vacation leaves at work so I could get myself to the beach. Summer’s last hurrah, yes. This time however, the week I thought would be of sheer bliss, turned out otherwise.

Pardon me, I will have to overshare.

  • My boyfriend and I caught The Fault in our Stars in cinemas. I rarely read nowadays since books are forbidden in our workplace but The Fault in our Stars didn’t prevent me in reading and bawling in my cubicle. The movie was how I expected it to be, nothing better compared to the book as some details were left out. I do however shed tears at the scene where Hazel and Isaac were to read their eulogies to Gus. I’m a sucker for beautiful words and I can only imagine how much beautiful yet painful it could be to offer them to one’s existence and absence. Well, at least I no longer gasped for breath in the theater like the girl who sat a seat apart from me.
  • Mocha passed away. We spent several days in Palawan for the boyfriend’s birthday. Before we left, I spoke to our bunnies to behave and not cause headache to my parents. (Though I asked them to make cuter and paawa faces to my sister and parents whenever they want to play outside). We were on the way home from our Underground River trip when we received news that our little baby Mocha passed away that morning. My parents said she had weird bowel movements the day before and was acting drowsy. They thought it was kind of normal since Mocha has the tendency to be passive aggressive at times (you know, lady bunnies). My boyfriend and I cried on the way back to the hotel. Instead of trying out the night life in Puerto Princesa, we spent the night quietly.
Marvelous Mocha, already in full fluff at around 5 months old

Marvelous Mocha, already in full fluff at around 5 months old

  • My iPod drowned. Yes, I cried over that because I get sentimental over photos and videos and memories and lists. Only then have I realized I have a percentage of my life stored in that little dummy thing. Plus, I have Mocha’s and all the other bunnies’ photos there too.
  • My boyfriend and I got into a vehicular accident. I guess I wouldn’t have cried so much for the sake of the accident alone. Well, not until I got a glimpse of my burned leg. We were rushed to the nearest hospital for first aid.  I kept tugging my boyfriend’s arm the entire time they were giving me first aid. I kept asking the nurse what is this and what is that they were applying. I can feel my legs sore then numb then sore again. I never really liked hospitals, mind you, so that was an extra bad memory again. I was on seven days sick leave as the doctors advised that I take rest. On those days, my boyfriend was the one in charge of cleaning the burned area. I cried every time. I bit on shirts and chomped on pillows just to let go of the sting and the pain. I was still a brave girl according to him. I would insist on doing normal things like walking around, playing with pets, and pulling my legs straight when sleeping. I guess I am pretty brave for someone who has low tolerance for pain. I’m no longer posting my leg’s photo because that would be crazy gross oversharing, but it’s already healing.

 

I can still hardly believe that all happened within a week. Well, referring to bullets 2 and 4, the first and third one was just for some extra tear count. Small regrets though, wish I had been there when Mocha was having troubles. I usually have panic attacks so when I see her in a condition that bad, I would have called whoever or have already taken her to the vet.

Also, I would have wanted to turn back time and play the fourth bullet incident in slow motion. However, I am charging this to experience. I will smile and sigh at my battle scars: “Gawd, I’m brave”.

’13: A Prerequisite Year-Ender

I didn’t post a wishlist during my last birthday. I thought it would be a little off listing down things I would have wanted to receive when people from the Visayas region are struggling with their lives. Thus, instead of “needs and wants” bullets, I am listing things that made me happy and/or things I should be thankful for this past year. So, that makes this a partial birthday and year-end blog

1. Less rampant skin asthma. As much as I wanted to skip the beach in summer, you just can’t say no to sunny sunny places. Surprisingly, my allergies didn’t shoot up, or was I just OC re-applying SPF like crazy. On the other hand, the trip to Sagada made my skin a lot better. I guess I am really meant to live in the mountains.

2. First time to spend Christmas and New Year’s Eve with the boyfriend. I used to hate my boyfriend’s work schedule: night shift and very few holidays. For last year’s holiday however, he took the toilsome drive from his workplace to our home. He arrived with so much glee. He even played the guitar for everyone and brought a puppy for me to adopt.

3. Seeing Stars in concert. Last year’s birthday wishlist included Stars and Sara Bareilles concert. Guess I was a good kid then, heavens answered my prayers by bringing Stars to the Philippines in February! It was a surreal experience to see them perform live. I cried, sweat, jumped, and felt every kind of emotion to each of their songs.

4. Spending the Boyfriend’s birthday in Boracay. It has been a tradition for the boyfriend and I to take a week off from work on our birthdays to have it to ourselves. It’s usually a time for adventure, food, culture, and peace and quiet in between. This time, we chose the shores of Boracay. Midst the bipolar weather, we braved island hopping, parasailing, and helmet diving. Our nights were usually capped off with beer and good music. It was relaxing and fun.

5. Friendship level up with colleagues at Burot Beach. The office Breakfast Club hit the beach in late June. We were camping newbies, but we survived. Nothing fancy for us, but we enjoyed the bonfire, smores, drunk dips at dawn, crazy games/dares, and confessions. Friendship level went up notches higher.

6. Crying over John Green’s “The Fault in our Stars”. It’s been a while since the last time I shed tears over a book. (Last was Marley and Me, I literally bawled and tucked my face into pillows haha!) It made me cry buckets. It was cute and romantic which makes it all the more sadistic, sad, and heartbreaking. I can’t wait for the movie.

7. Sweets and treats delivery from the boyfriend. As mentioned, I used to hate my boyfriend’s work schedule, but one of its perks was he can drop by the office to hand me things I need, like for emergency: meds, supplies etc. But a sweet boyfriend is a sweet boyfriend, he randomly drops by to give me dessert, snacks, and bonus chicken rewards.

8. Well-spent birthday celebration in Sagada. I have always wanted to go to Sagada. I have always believed it has the same promise as Baguio. As part of my birthday celebration, we (friends and boyfriend) took an adventure and nature trip to Sagada. We braved the grumpy weather, trekked to Bomod-ok falls, and conquered the Lumiang-Sumaguing cave connection. I knew it will be one of my favorite places. I will be coming back.

9. Weird birthday surprise from the boyfriend. My boyfriend is abnormal. He takes delight in pissing me off first before giving me surprises, rewards, etc. For my birthday, he asked me to pick him up from his office. It’s really annoying, come to think of it, but hey, maybe he prepared a surprise with his officemates. But so happened, we just hopped and took weird routes from Eastwood to almost Marikina part of QC, from the C5 area of Pasig to Meralco Ave to Kapitolyo. And picked up an avocado cake with greetings from him and my pet rabbit (HAHA). The next week, we no longer traveled far and wide. Instead, he teased me into getting a new pet and picked me up from the office, already with a new female bunny munching grass.

10. My brother finally ending up with something he really really wanted. People consider my brother the happy-go-lucky type of guy. Little are they aware that he’s the kind who’s up for just about anything just to go after what he dreams. After graduation, he sought our parents’ approval regarding entering the PMA. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t allow him because he was still young and immature etc. Just this year, he secretly filed for application for the military. He just broke the news few days before his one-month training. Now, he’s already at the Tarlac camp for his year-long training. I am so proud and happy for my brother.

11. Boyfriend’s new work schedule. How many times have I ranted about the boyfriend’s morning being my evening and vise versa? Well this year, he switched companies and received new work schedule. Though he gets to the office at around 6am, still, that means more time together. Yey!

12. More kitchen collaborations with the boyfriend. From plain brownies to smores to cookie crumble. From lasagna and baked macaroni to lemon garlic dory and baked chicken. Here’s to more awesomeness in the kitchen!

13. Welcoming new babies in the family. Just a month after my boyfriend got me a new female bunny, it gave birth to four tiny kittens! It takes a lot of effort feeding and making sure they’re growing big and strong but seeing them hop, roam around, and open their eyes for the first time is priceless. I’m a happy grandmother.

14. Mini reunions and meet-ups with college friends. My friends and I have come to a point where I rarely see each other due to our busy schedule. It’s such a delight to see them once in a while and spend endless hours talking just about anything like our younger years. Though now, we no longer opt for crazy night outs. We’d rather spend time somewhere cozy while stuffing food on our faces, if not settling down for coffee or tea.

15. My father’s survival from the Bohol quake. Perhaps this is one of the things I am really really grateful for this year. There’s no such dread as knowing someone you love has been affected by such calamity. I am just plain thankful that he wasn’t hurt or anything. Moreover, he helped people in his community.

A Not-so-Grown-Up Birthday Wishlist

It’s been a week since my birthday, but since it’s always a month-long celebration, I’ll be sharing my (insert LULZ kind of adjective here) birthday wishes.

1. As most friends are aware of, I’ve fully developed Atopic Dermatitis aka Skin Asthma in layman’s term this year after days of sun exposure at La Union’s surfing site. This happened April but I am nursing my dry skin until this moment. I am really hoping that Skin Asthma leaves me for good soonest so I can bask in the sun again next summer.

2. In relation to number 1, I’ve spent grands and bucks to have my skin treated. I swear! I wouldn’t want to spend way too much on medicine, creams, and lotions ever again. Also, please, no breast cancer scare for my mother.

3. I miss my father dear so much, so I hope his business in Bohol ends soonest so he may be back here in Manila or that we may visit him there.

4. Because I’m a retard who loses mobile phones 3 times a year, I am fervently praying that I may not lose a single phone for n years starting now. Or fine, at least not have my phone lost or stolen. I may consider mobile phones dying of old age.

5. PATIENCE.

6. Since I am a loser in the kitchen, I hope find a way to redeem myself and my infamous corn soup! I wish to learn to cook and prepare delectable food other than Yakult Soju, brownies, fritatas, and frozen desserts. Good Housekeeping, yes.

7. This may really sound funny but I am actually wishing that my bunny lives as long as I have kids. I want my kids to get acquainted and remember their uncle Clyde whom I treated my baby for n years before they were born. And also because Clyde will be the ring bearer of my wedding.

8. As I have started Fiction category in this blog, I am hoping to have more creative juices out of my head, oozing out through the pen, err, keyboard. I also hope more art related reads and ideas as I am starting a writing job for a gallery. And of course, more romanticized posts for the boyfriend.

9. THIS: I wish to have more money I can spend exclusively on food and travel.

10. As impossible as it may seem, I really really really wish to see Sara Bareilles and Stars in concert. I’ll file my leaves, buy front-row tickets, and sob to each of their songs.

*Additional: I hope the boyfriend never gets tired of his makulit, maldita, bipolar, and bitchesa girlfriend. I hope he continues to enjoy every random, shallow, and nonsense thing they share. I hope they spend more birthdays together.

Bye Bye, Bunnie

Bunnie reached third step of the stairs during play time :3

My Dear Little Thing,

You have spent but a short time with us but you have already brought joy to me even when ice cream and other sweets fail to do so.

You were the smallest yet the first one to hop to the third step of the stairs. My heart took flight, for this wasn’t your usual playtime. You always loved being carried, seeking refuge in my thin lean arms, your paws upon my chest, your tiny little teeth tugging on my blouse, your whiskers bristling against my neck, the white patch up your nose reaches to mine. The small ball of warmth that you are unknowingly felt my heartbeat.

You’re on the other side of the rainbow now, my little black ball of fur. I shall cry no more for there’ll be big bunny angels taking care of you. They shall carry you and give you bunny kisses all the time. They shall share you dinner and snacks of carrots and strawberries and parsley and bananas. Every day shall be a feast. Each moment shall be your playtime.

I love you Bunnie. We (Clyde too) miss you.